I didn’t fall in love with his body. I didn’t fall in love with his jokes or our similarities or his pets, or his favourite songs. Those were all well and good but they weren’t enough to capture my heart.
In truth I think I fell in love with the way he fell in love with me. The glow in his eyes, when he looked into mine and the smile he wore in my presence. Drunk off the sensation of being loved; I came to adore the simple beauty of being adored in return.
I don’t understand how you smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is that your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get back. How you can’t let go of something you once said and couldn’t live without. How people who once wanted to spend their time with you, think that a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people wanted make promises despite how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it’s easier than working things out.
I know that I am insecure. I know I don’t feel protected. I know that I’m always compared to whom I’m not. You ask me why I’m so insecure? Ask yourself. It’s the way you’ve treated me, the way you always demotivated me. Instead of encouraging me, you were the one who called me worthless. Asked me why I’m insecure? You made me who I am.
Empty spaces fill me up. I’m awake but my world is half asleep. You complete me. And i don’t wanna lose you now. I’m looking right at the other half of me. Every breath that i take,all i feel is you. Every place that i go, all i see is you. I guess that the vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold. I’m truly,madly,deeply in love; with you.
You’re going to think that the pain will never end. But it will. First, you have to let it all in. You can’t fight it. It’s bigger than you. You have to let yourself drown in it and eventually, you’ll start to swim. And every single breath that you fight for, will make you stronger. And gradually, you’ll beat it.
Do you know the feeling when you’re just waiting? Waiting to get home, go into you’re room, close the door, fall in to bed and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either. You’re tired, tired of everything. You want someone to be there and tell you its okay. But no one is going to be there.
You know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself. Tired of living. You want everything to be easy. To be simple. You know you wouldn’t be helped, but you’re still fighting with tears in your eyes. You still have a little glimmer of hope, that someone would save you.
It’s okay if you got a bad grade. It’s okay if you’re not skinny, and can’t fit into the size 4 of jeans. It’s okay if boys don’t stare at you. It’s okay if you feel as if you’ve lost yourself, everybody does time to time. It’s okay to feel alone, but remind yourself that you aren’t.
It’s funny how we let society control us. We want to pretend to be someone we aren’t. We want to look good only because we want people to like us and be our friends. You don’t have to try so hard, let your hair down once in a while. Wear clothes you feel comfortable and confident in. Be yourself, you have nothing to lose. Love yourself just the way you are. You’re you, and that’s good enough.